What is loss without any grief?
It certainly can’t truly be a loss, can it? I mean, when have you ever been happy that you lost something? If you cared about it, the answer is never. If your answer is once, or twice, or any number of times, then you probably didn’t care much for it at all, and in actuality, your “loss” might turn out to have been more of a win, a relief, a burden off of your chest. Now take the idea of loss, and apply it to someone’s life. Better yet, apply it someone you truly care for, deep in your heart of hearts. I bet you get that deep in your stomach, gut-wrenching feeling. As though the world would simply shatter at the ceasing of their tangible existence. True love, when lost, leads to true grief. And, that grief, lasts more than just a few weeks.
Well, you think that would be the case. It seems as though anyone who has ever had anyone to love would agree with me. Love, regardless of what form it takes, transcends past someone’s existence. In other words, once the person that you love is no longer in your life, it doesn’t mean you just stop loving them. You would certainly think that a wife and mother would feel the sudden loss of her husband so deeply that it shook her to her very core, with such grief and agony that any bystander would be able to discern her affections for her husband, loyalty to her marriage, and regard for the son who just lost his father. Maybe it’s too rash to generalize that all women would do this. If I marry, God willing, I certainly do hope that I would feel this way if my husband were to be taken from me abruptly. Perhaps I’ll just play it safe and say that, the typical woman who is in a healthy, loving marriage would be deeply saddened by the loss of her life partner, and in turn, hope to console her children who also lost an important figure in their life: a father. You certainly wouldn’t expect your mother to waltz down the aisle with another man. (Well, maybe in a few years, but certainly not a few weeks.) Also, as if that wasn’t blasphemous enough, suppose said man was your uncle-your own father’s brother. Well, that’s just the icing on one rather incestuous cake, and Queen Gertrude certainly does bake a pretty mean one. For those who aren’t familiar with the story line of Hamlet, the play follows a son whose father has just been murdered by the man his mother has remarried, and this man happens to be Hamlet’s uncle (hence the incestuous cake). It seems as though she feels no grief over her loss at all. The audience can sense it, and so can Hamlet. In Act 1, Scene 2, Gertrude is speaking to Hamlet about his father shortly after King Claudius (Hamlet’s new step-father) and Queen Gertrude address the court concerning their marriage. She says to him:
“How is it that the clouds still hang on you?…
Good Hamlet, cast thy nighted color off,
And let thine eye look like a friend on Denmark.
Do not forever with thy vailed lids
Seek for thy noble father in the dust.
Thou know’st ’tis common. All that lives must die.
Passing through nature to eternity.”
And, Hamlet, trying to seem practical, coldly agrees. Naturally, all that lives must die. However, he also says something else. In response to his mother’s questioning it seeming so particular with him, Hamlet stiffly responds:
“‘Seems,’ madam? Nay, it is. I know not ‘seems’.
‘Tis not alone my inky cloak, good mother,
Nor customary suits of solemn black,
Nor windy suspiration of forced breath,
No, nor the fruitful river in the eye,
Nor the dejected ‘havior of the visage,
Together with all forms, moods, shapes of grief,
That can denote me truly. These indeed ‘seem’.
For they are actions that a man might play.
But I have that within which which passeth show,
These but the trappings and the suits of woe.”
Basically: Unlike his mother, he isn’t acting sad. And although, someone could dress in black clothing, and put on the face of grief, he feels more than she, or anyone, could ever see, and his clothes are but a small hint of it. From there, Hamlet begins his soliloquy in where he states that his mother is no better than an animal for marrying his father’s brother less than a month after his sudden passing. It doesn’t take a literary rocket scientist to see that Hamlet is appalled that his mother could even think to do such a thing, especially in the time frame from which it was done. He’s bitter. Angry. He feels betrayed. He also feels that if his mother had the ability to marry someone who was nothing like his father without feeling any remorse, how did she feel about him? Additionally, what does that say about how she feels about him? Hamlet is a man who loved and respected his father. In my mind, I picture Hamlet’s adoration for his father to resemble that of a son who admires his father to the point of mimicry. The kind of admiration that leads a son to proclaim, “I want to grow up and be just like you, Dad!” And, his heartbreak is evident as he cries out in his soliloquy.
“My father’s brother, but no more like my father
Than I to Hercules. Within a month,
Ere the sail of most unrighteous tears
Had left the flushing in her gallad eyes,
She married. O most wicked speed, to post
With such dexterity to incestuous sheets!
It is not nor it cannot come to good.
But break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue.”
The tears on her cheeks weren’t even dry, and she remarried.
I’ve always heard people say that what someone says when no one is looking is huge factor in the determination of their character. Moreover, how someone acts when no one is around speaks more volume than their words. If Hamlet’s mother truly cared for, not only her husband, but for her child’s father, her grief would extend beyond the visibility of a crowd. It wouldn’t be for show, an act put on to convince people and prevent a reputation. If it were true love, and a true loss, there would be true grief. A sadness that couldn’t be described with words. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose your father, and then feel as though you lost your mother as well. Hamlet’s mother didn’t really love her husband. She’s just a good baker.